AUTOMATIC SPELL CHECK AND CLASSIC LITERATURE MODE By John Watts

Thank God for computers.  Yeah I know I complain about their glitches and whine about their maddening proclivity to change too fast, but where would I really be without them?

I would be a whiner anyway of course; just as I am now, but a much less empowered whiner.

Computers after all, have allowed me to carry on this charade of being an actual writer and almost believe it on a very good night of typing.

In the old days of college I had to pay someone to type it or just come home for the weekend and appeal to the generosity of my Mom.

Then new automatic features with electronic memory started cropping up in the early 80s.  My confidence grew.

I left the shallow area of the shoreline and ventured my boat out into deeper waters and deeper thoughts.

And soon enough, these same pioneering typewriters, brought about their own deaths and were trampled underfoot by a much more virulent revolution in bringing about the information age as we know it now.

Now we have so many features that allow us to be our own ONE MAN resource library without ever having to consult an expert.

Answers are right at our finger tips and safety nets like spell check means we only have to be in the ballpark for spelling a word correctly.  We can even change our language and send a letter out to someone in Portuguese.

Now fast forward a bit longer on the evolution scale and soon we can click the scroll down bar and select Shakespeare, or TS Elliot, or Jefferson or Lincoln for our WRITING GUISE, and wallah!  The ordinary, thick headed verse and sentence syntax that we have been using to express ourselves will be dressed up and made more distinguished by the use of a simple menu of writer choices.

We can suddenly be the recognized geniuses of simplicity we knew we could be or the masters of ornate, flourishing sentences that wind back and forth like kite tails and leave everyone breathless.

We are still in the driver’s seat.  It’s still our thoughts.  Only now we are orchestrating where and when we want to put in the CLASSIC WRITERS feature—and sound SO much better in the execution without being saddled by ordinary hangups.

Imagine what our writing will look like now?  We can synthetically be whoever we want, just like a plastic surgery alteration or some sci-fi breakthrough with artistic droids, and in the process be credited with being better writers than we were even back in the WIKOPEDIA days where we lifted the majority of our texts previously with impunity!

And it doesn’t have to be obviously nicked and stolen and using our own words here and there to avoid a lawsuit like starting off with “It was almost the best of times.  It was almost the worst of times.”  The computer is giving us the FEEL and style of the masters not the verbatim words.  It’s like having Charles Dickens and Robert Frost sitting next to you for editing suggestions.  It’s like being in a simulated band in which you can alter the sound of your voice and automatically sprinkle in whatever influences you -want into your music—“Google please make these guitar chords sound like half Beatles and half Van Morrison please.”

And there is no more guilt anymore.  All of us are too complicit and lost in this modern age morass to ever feel anything approaching genuine pride or guilt.  I will now close with the immortal sitcom character George Costanza said in Seinfeld who said:  “Remember It’s not a lie if we believe it.”

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About John Watts

I like to write transcendental community based essays and stories along with photo journalism pieces.
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