ROGAINE COMES IN A FOAM NOW! By John Watts

 

 There are 2 horrible paths to take to go down when you find yourself living in the past.  One is when you wish you could transport your current self-back to an expired favorite time and the second is when you wish you could transport your past self ahead to some new, modern invention that would have made your life easier if you only had more time–(or beam the handy dandy invention back to your glory days of course!).

Oh the regret!  If only today’s Rogaine; that by the way comes in a brand new foam format, could have existed in that pivotal cross roads time when my hair was coming out and evacuating in earnest, back in the mid-1990s.  It may have made the difference and I would have been thickly covered on the top for all those bachelor years still to come.  Alas!

Wait a minute, come to think of it—there’s 3 despicable paths to torture yourself with.  The other one is when you get stuck in the habit of looking for ANY guilt trip that might explain your current lack of fulfillment now.  Because as we keep tempting fate  by getting older and avoiding some horrible demise, another disease or accident is poised to wreck our world view about ourselves anyway.   For example, perhaps your habit of taking excessively hot showers is the real reason that all of your hair follicles fell out and not Mother Nature.  It’s your fault!

And hold on a minute.  If you really want the mother lode of guilt—the supremely destructive gift that keeps on giving—you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced cancer!

There must be a million things to point your finger at or on now.  You can blame anything or anyone regarding ANY form of cancer right?  Perhaps you microwaved your food too long or stood next to the microwave too long waiting for it to be done.  Perhaps you didn’t eat enough vegetarian (perhaps you ate too many vegetarians?)  Perhaps the meat you ate was OK but you should have read the packaging better regarding the additives in the meat.  Perhaps it’s the tap water you are drinking.  Maybe you should sue the person that allowed you to drink that tap water.  Or maybe it’s still all your own fault for being a bad advocate about the tap water.

You get the syndrome I think.

So how do we get off these 3 unthinkable roads?  Barring an operation for a frontal lobotomy, I have one solution that just might hold some promise.

Just live deliberately like you are in a stupor.  And let your looks go out the window.

Be grateful and happy in the moment–while managing to not be fearful of it ending or becoming superstitious.  Use moderation and caution while still having fun and allowing some dirt to get on your fingers.

And here is the key thing—be forgetfully stuck in the PRESENT and not trapped in the past.  That way you won’t get yourself miserable thinking about what if you had been young and full haired when Rogaine Foam came out.

Be a determined, practicing Taoist that only thinks about the next TV station to channel surf to on the clicker or the next step to take on a walk to Starbucks.  Take long drawn out sips and chews on your snack break and think NOTHING of the ingredients or their ramifications.

Just smile like a loon and think—“I LIKE chocolate Frosty’s!”  Heck, if you get old enough, what’s to stop you from muttering it to yourself in public too?

And just be happy for all the younger generations that lived to see Rogaine foam and all the countless other lifesaving products nowadays.

And as you do, just quite having expectations about your looks or how you might possibly look better.  Let your  spouse worry about that.  Because if you keep on living longer, you will lose most of those layering’s anyway.

And when your mind gets cloudy on details and your instant recall is forever on pause, REVEL in it!

After all, you are a bald Taoist that lives ingeniously in the present and feels happy about your place in the world because your brain has been disconnected from worry and all the great what ifs on those 3 previously mentioned pathways to misery!

Who needs mirrors anyway?

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About John Watts

I like to write transcendental community based essays and stories along with photo journalism pieces.
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