People like us need outlets. I’m not talking about hobbies. I’m talking about cathartic releases. Otherwise our nervous systems will just be ticking time bombs due to all the abuse and baloney heaped upon us every day by assertive people everywhere. Rodney Dangerfield at least had the stage in which to let off steam after getting no respect. Now it’s our turn!
That’s why I recommend these 3 wimpy, passive aggressive approaches as a sure fire way to unwind after an exhausting day of being constantly interrupted and put down.
First, I suggest that you consider all the annoying inanimate objects that you encounter throughout your day. The porch step that you constantly trip on. The chandelier that hangs too low in the middle of your living room that your head always bumps into. The refrigerator side door that always seems to drop some condiments bottle at the worst time when you open the door.
To all of these things I say–just go ahead and “SCREAM!” Or just slap some non-living offending object silly. Believe me they can take it. (Well most of the time this works unless you hurt yourself or force an expensive repair)
We need to do that. We are just too wound up and tightly coiled otherwise based on all the abuse that gets bottled up inside of us with no way of release.
Secondly, make the most out of driving your car ALONE. Or with your pet dog alongside running shot gun. Your best friend will always understand if you get a bit salty with your language. Because being around other anonymous drivers is the perfect way to vent and be as unfair with your assessments as you want to be. Go ahead and think the worst of some other motorist’s skills and intentions. Consider no gray areas.
It all becomes intertwined anyway. The stress of being late to work or in accomplishing some errand. Or dealing with a bafflingly rude driver ahead of you who stays on his cell phone and never bothers to put his signal on. It takes its toll on you. When the mix becomes most toxic, you get angry at other drivers just for the heck of it—because of some arrogant bumper sticker or the kind of car they drive.
So shout it out! Be your own judge and jury of every traffic offense you witness. Just keep it private and wimpy and ALWAYS non confrontational. That way they hopefully won’t read your lips and come over with a shot gun.
And finally—embrace the modern day preponderance of automated voices that leave messages on your cell or home phone. Instead of thinking of it as a nuisance—use it to your advantage. Let your spouse hear you on the other end screaming decisively at the recorded voice as you repeat this line–“I REFUSE to accept your offer and what’s more—NEVER call this number again do you hear me?” And by the time you punctuate your performance with a swift press of the hang up button (so unsatisfying compared to the old school phones that you could REALLY slam!) your spouse is hugging you and thanking you for defending the household so honorably.
So if you take my advice and utilize these 3 powerful outlets I think you will find that you sleep better and feel more centered by the time your head hits the pillow to go to sleep at night. Who knows? If you’re cathartic releases are steady and intense enough you might just find yourself not needing other previous forms of therapy such as alcohol and playing sports.
Besides, who needs the mess and sweat of sports or hobbies if you’ve had a full day of screaming at other drivers, denouncing inanimate objects, and telling off automated recorded voices?
In the long run you will thank me for these life saving tips. It might be just what today’s timorous man needs in order to make it thru all the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune on the path to retirement.
You may also find that this approach is the best way to publicly appear as peaceful as Gandhi while still being VERY flawed and human in private with no one getting hurt!