WILL THE REDSKINS RESIGN KIRK COUSINS? (how off season sports radio’s best and brightest spend their time)


Day 1–“Will the Redskins resign Kirk Cousins?

Day 2—Kirk Cousins.  Will he come back to the Redskins?

Day 3–Resigning Kirk Cousins.  How hard will it be?

Day 4—Kirk Cousins.  He did his part and had another great year. But is this all just TERRIBLE NEWS?  Why?  Because it will lead to us only losing Kirk Cousins because Washington DC area pro teams always are cursed and blow it when good news comes their way.   We haven’t had an all-pro Quarterback since RG3’s rookie year.  And we all know what happened after that.

Day 5—Will Kirk Cousins be confident enough to spurn our low ball offer and play out his contract as a franchise player?

Day 6—Did you see Kirk Cousins at the skills competition before the NFL all-star game?  Does he look too full of himself?  Is he trying to send a message to the Redskins?

Day 7—Did you read between the lines of what the owner, coach, and General Manager said about Kirk Cousins?  Did they really mean what they said in good faith or was it just more posturing?

Day 8—Do the Redskins have ANY bargaining power in keeping Kirk Cousins?

Day 9—The Redskins must keep Kirk Cousins at all costs based on his ADVANCED FOOTBALL ANALYTICS RATINGS.  When you add up his hand size, passing productivity, air yards, and deep ball attempts and divide it by the number of snaps combined with his FRIENDLINESS quota, than you have a pretty compelling case for resigning him!

Day 10—Dan Snyder is posing as a true blue Redskins fan but is actually a SPY working for the Dallas Cowboys.  Therefore he shall purposely sabatoge our chances to resign Kirk Cousins.

Day 11—Colt McCoy is a freaking football player who deserves a chance to be our starter without the pressure of RG3 or Kirk being there.

Day 12—Kirk blew it in the big spotlight game at the end of the season against the Giants.  He needs to go.

Day 13—Did you hear the rumor that we might get as many as 2 Number 1 draft picks by a certain team if we trade Kirk Cousins?  I would love to be loyal to Kirk but as a fan, I am endlessly addicted to starting over from scratch with new draft picks.  It makes me positively giddy!

Day 14–Did I mention that my wife and I almost met Kirk Cousins?  Yes it’s true.  It was at our local brick oven pizza restaurant 2 autumns ago.  They were driving to the playoffs then for the first time.  Hosts of Redskins were there in person to sign jerseys at a flat rate as well as pose for photos.  All of it was for PR and charity.  Well guess what?  Kirk Cousins was there.  Only my wife and I somehow missed him by minutes.

First we were told that he had left early for another commitment.  Then we were told by others that he had done a Quarterback sneak and returned by the back door.  Several witnesses told us that they had just gotten his autograph and pointed out where to look for him.  So we went back inside the pizza restaurant.  But no Kirk yet again.  Instead we got autographs by relatively unknown nobodies in which we had to have THEM tell us their names first before unenthusiastically indicating that we wanted their autograph.

Imagine.  It was probably our last great chance to meet Kirk Cousins as he is in such greater demand now.

And I say this because it might be an OMEN that Kirk Cousins will NOT come back to the Redskins and will be traded to the San Francisco 49ers where he is rumored to be close friends with Kyle Shanahan (he of the well-known Shanahan clan).  And Kirk will once again slip out the back door of the pizza restaurant and my wife and I will never really meet him.

Day 15:  Is Kirk really happy in Washington D.C.?  Has he been spotted taking his wide receivers out for dinner or secretly meeting at an undisclosed location to throw passes in the off-season?

Day 16—Will Kirk hate us and not play as hard if we TAG him for one more year?  Will he pout and merely be a lame duck?

Day 17—This is the last day that I waste my brain power talking about Kirk Cousins until some real NEWS actually comes our way.  We are all being USED by this over hyped story.  The Capitals and Wizards deserve more coverage as they are actually IN season and playing great!

Day 18—Kirk Cousins just tweeted that he likes the Redskins but also wants to go where he is wanted!

Day 19—Will Kirk Cousins play another snap with the Washington Redskins?


About John Watts

I like to write transcendental community based essays and stories along with photo journalism pieces.
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